Goals for 2012 and Beyond: Press on and Overcome

I have come to realize the last several years have been spent dreading the future, and slowly losing momentum in my search for adventure. It’s like I was beginning to give up, like I’ve been waiting for something or someone to swoop in and save me or grab my hand and pull me along with them toward adventures together.

I’m not sure that’ll happen, to be honest, and I’m even less sure I should let myself think like that. As 2012 creeps up (in less than an hour, in fact) I found myself thinking about what I want. What I hope for…

I haven’t really done that in a long time. I haven’t really let myself want, or hope for things in some silly fear of being disappointed. It has told me a lot about my faith. So, this post will be a post of hopes and desires that I feel God is laying on my heart to pray for over the next bit of my life, and I wanted to share them with you all, maybe if people know about them, I’ll be less prone to deny they’re there and real.

Happy New Year, everyone, I hope its blessed and filled with adventure!

1. I will pursue Jesus with a fresh and new passion, going deeper and further to discover new parts of his heart and personality. I want to know what his laugh sounds like.
2. I will study my Bible like its the first time I’ve ever read it.

3. I want to find  a man who, not only loves Jesus, but reminds me of Jesus. A man that will be willing to love me, and not just accept my faults, but encourage me to surrender them to Jesus and overcome them…The kind of man who will want to build a family, and have a heart for his children. The idea of building a cradle for our kids would be something he would enjoy.

4. I will pursue my writing more, and better it for the glory of God, using it to speak to people where they are, how they are, when they are and show them they are not alone, despite how things seem.

5. I will not live in fear.

6. I will remind myself daily, I am not alone, no matter how much it feels that way.

7. I will believe my Father has great plans for me, plans to give me a hope and a future, and not to harm me or forget me. My Father will not leave me behind.

So, there we are. Not easy, sure, it will take a day-by-day, minute-by-minute, determination to trust my Jesus, but seven is a good number to start with.

Once again, I wish you all well with many blessings! I’m so glad to be able to share with you, and I hope you find encouragement and hope for this lovely new year!

P.S. I wouldn’t complain about getting long hand letters, this year.

P.P.S. This list is meant to be ongoing, and not just for this year. I’m not quite desperate enough to be advertising for a husband on my blog. …Yet. We’ll talk about it if I’m still single at 25.

…Happy New Year Everyone… *Facepalm*

What love?

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. ~ Mother Teresa

Today I read the profile of a guy expressing is passion for Jesus, for loving people with action, and not just word or feeling. He wrote about loving people relentlessly, through the gifts God has created in them, and loving with your hands-actively, selflessly. Reading through his post, and seeing the sincere fire he had for wanting to love people like Jesus loves was both encouraging, and convicting.

How long has it been since I put my feelings aside and chose to love the people around me because that is what Jesus would have me do, instead of simply feeling like they deserve it or not? It is alarming, how quickly people believe they might own love. To decide who is worthy to receive love and when, and why. …And I’m ashamed of myself because out of so many people to choose from, I consider myself the worst.

I consider myself the worst because I have experienced the love of God, and I pursued it, I wanted to share it with every fiber of my being. I know the difference of love and lovelessness, and I have, in my pride, chosen to be loveless. I have chosen to withhold my love, and not to serve people. I have chosen it deliberately and for no reason other than selfish disregard for others. I have made a bad habit of putting myself first.

I did it because I was afraid. I had loved, I had loved with everything I knew how, and I got hurt. Badly. But is that any excuse to stop up my ears to the word of my Father? The words of love that created the very world?

In John chapter 17, Jesus is praying in the garden before his arrest, the darkest time of his life. He prays three times. First, his Father would glorify him, so that he might glorify his Father, once for his disciples, and finally for future believers. He prayed or them, loved them, and wanted them regardless of the rejection he would face…and the pain he would endure. He loved them because that is who he is, and if we are made in his image, it’s who we are. We are capable of loving others as Jesus did if we love them through the filter of his heart. Seeking his face, and seeking to hide ourselves deeper in him every day makes us more capable of loving than any attempts we can make ourselves.

Someone once told me love is a choice, and that we are made perfect in love, and that perfect love casts out fear. When we come to a place where we are capable of picking and choosing who does or does not deserve love, or who we will or will not love, then we aren’t really loving. We’re ruling.

Love is freedom, and it is unconditional. It isn’t proud, and it doesn’t boast. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, and it’s not easily anger. It always forgives, always hopes, always trusts, and it never fails. Even if it is frightening sometimes.

I love Jesus. Through all my ups and downs, good times and bad, it always comes back to the simple fact that I love him…most of the time that is the only thing I know for certain in my life. I’m fairly sure it will be the only thing I ever know and the only thing that keeps me going. But if I love him, I will love others and trust him to take care of and protect me…otherwise, I’m just a noisy gong and clanging symbol and everything is meaningless.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” C.S. Lewis

Jesus the First and the Last

Jesus the First and the Last

I really wish I knew how to make a video be a simple video in my posts…rather than a link…but alas, I do not. Everybody check out this song. It’s epic and amazing.

That’s a lie…

It’s kind of funny how easy it can be to lose faith. You are taught and trained, and you study, and you seek all your life only for one event or one thought to make you question everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s bad to ask questions. I encourage it, even. Ask them. Ask whatever you have rolling around in your head…but there has to be a line, a place you have protected against the lies of the enemy that will weasel in.

In other words, make sure you have your mind and heart guarded with truth you already know the answer to before asking questions that could shake you up.

I’m Meg, and I’m reporting to you from a rut again.

Most of my life, my closest friends have been atheists or agnostics, or free thinkers, but I have had a very small number of people who know Jesus that I could consider a friend. Ironically, the years I spent with people who didn’t like, believe in, or follow Jesus were the strongest my faith ever saw. I didn’t begin to doubt my faith or my God until I was around other believers. I started surrounding myself with the “church”, or a shadow of it, and had culture shock among my own people.

I’m not writing a flame against the church post, so everybody calm down. Don’t worry. This is just a post about how easily I let myself get shaken. How is it that after everything I’ve seen God do for me, and everything Jesus has saved me from, I now find myself in the darkest night my soul has ever seen? Where is the line between doctrine and opinion, between legalism and conviction? When did love give way to rules?

…When did the pharisees get put back in charge?

And where the heck did I put my backbone?!

Okay, so the issue here is I failed in all these things. I didn’t guard my heart and mind, I got caught up in rules and doctrine and legalism. I lost my conviction. …And then I ran away.

Which is where we find me now, trying to make my boat stop rocking long enough to get my feet squarely on the deck to figure out which way is up again. That’s all I want, just to know which way is up. Cheesy lines come to mind such as, “Sometimes God calms the storm, other times he calms his child”…but that hasn’t happened, and you could eat the cheese with a bag of nachos. The problem hasn’t been God moving or being still, or God at all. The problem has been me. I’m trying to figure things out, I’m trying to answer questions and fix problems, I’m trying to claim I know things that I haven’t been taught yet…and then when God reaches out to guide or direct me I throw up a hand like a kid trying to dress herself for the first time,

“No! I got this! I can do it myself!” …Let’s all take a moment to laugh heartily. I make the biggest messes of things when I think I can do it myself…and they take forever to clean up and straighten out.

I’ve let myself believe so many lies this year. “You’re not strong enough to do this.” “You’re not smart enough to do this.” “You’re too messed up to be around those people.” “You’ll always be alone.” “You’ve made the same mistake too many times, how many times do you think He’s going to accept your flimsy apologies?”

Well, those are all valid points, to be honest. I’m not strong enough, smart enough, and I am pretty messed up right now (We’ll trash the ‘always be alone’ crap for now, that’s another post for another day). The issues that come from believing all these lies seem to be about me and what I’m capable of, but the truth is they are trying to redefine the character of my Father in my heart and mind. They’re trying to shake my foundation and it almost worked.

Almost.

Then I got savvy and realized I was drowning and I’m not going down without a fight.

For each one of those lies, I know a truth:

“You’re not strong enough”

Maybe not, but “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the sea…” “…God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” Psalm 46: 1-2, 5

“You’re not smart enough.”

That is also true, but my Father says, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8 I think he says it well enough.

“You’re too broken.”

That’s a good one, considering my Dad is also my Creator. “O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones.” Isaiah 54:11-12 Who says He’s finished with me yet?

“How many times is he going to forgive you?”

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

I don’t have a lot of the answers to the questions I asked in this post. I’m not sure I need the answers, really. I think the questions were more of a wakeup call. The only answers I need are the ones that come from my Father, who is always faithful to deal with the bullies that come against me…especially the unseen ones.

 

Dear Dad, ___. Love, a runaway.

Dear Dad,

I really enjoyed the sky you painted today. The clouds were amazing and the rays of sunlight beaming through them was gorgeous. You always catch me off guard with your art, and I’m honored that you would share your creativity with me and teach me how to create like you do. I remembered that today.

I’m stalling…I know. I’ve been trying to avoid repeating this sick cycle I’ve created where I runaway, get into trouble, and come sobbing back begging for you to forgive me and save me from the mess I’ve got myself into. No matter how long I stall, though, all I can keep thinking is how you’re always so ready to do just that. Even before I ask. You’re just waiting for me…

You always write me letters, or slip me secret messages to let me know you love me, to remind me that I am your daughter and that I’m safe and cherished…that I have a future and that you’re proud of me. I remembered a few of those letters today, too, and it made me think it would be a good idea to write you a letter of my own.

I know this year has been tense, and our relationship has been strained…I also know that its my fault because I’ve deliberately kept myself from you. I ran away again. I do that a lot, especially when things get tough. I don’t know how you’re always so patient with me, and so faithful to come find me every time.

You’re the definition of Savior…and the best Father a girl could ask for. You are always so good to me, and the way you are so relentless about making sure I know that I am loved should enough for me, but for some reason it hasn’t been. I’ve believed other messages…ones from that other guy you told me to stay away from.

…Yeah, I’ve seen him again. He’s just as bad as you warned me. All he says are lies against you and against me. I got caught up in the things he offered again, and now I’m lost in back alleys and dark streets. I’ve been sleeping in doorways again, Dad. It’s awful, and it’s all from pride, thinking I knew better than you.

I’m so sorry, and I don’t deserve to come home, but I want to…I miss you so much. I miss our talks, and I miss walking with you and I miss your stories and your letters. I want to come home, but I’m afraid and I’ve gone too far. I’m tired and I don’t remember the way back.

Dad, please, I’m so sorry…Can you please come and get me?

Love,

A runaway

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23

For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. -Psalm 109:22

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. – Psalm 28:7

Though you probe my heart, though you examine me at night and test me, you will find that I have planned no evil; my mouth has not transgressed. – Psalm 17:3

Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. – Psalm 4:4

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? – 13:2

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 13:5

Everyone lies to their neighbor; they flatter with their lips but harbor deception in their hearts. – Psalm 12:2

New Seasons

It’s funny how God works. Everybody talks about his timing all the time, “Everything in God’s timing.” They talk about how it’s perfect, and how he has a time and a season for everything and everyone according to his good will. We’re slaves to the timing of our Father, because he holds time in his hands.

You can take this as a note of comfort or encouragement, or you could just take this as another post from a random girl that is just telling you the dreaded advice of, “Just wait.” It could go either way, but this is how I am currently taking it.

My life has felt like one big waiting game. A lifetime of preparation. But why? I recently came upon a time when all this frustration and anger just boiled up inside of me and all I could think and say to God had been,

“Why?”  I would cry. “What is the point to all this waiting and preparation if all it gets me is more waiting and more preparation?”

Those words kind of echoed around in my head for a while, and I kept getting angrier and angrier.

What.

Is.

The.

Point.

While wallowing around in my self pity and bad attitude, God spoke to me as he is always so faithful to do. Yeah, you know all those awesome and tender, uplifting, loving messages I’ve posted about before? Not this time.

This time I was acting like a spoiled brat and I was going to be corrected like one. He basically reached down and gave me a good smack,

“Don’t have a rebellious spirit.” He said.

I sat there blinking for a while. Me? Did I really let myself grow a rebellious spirit against my Father? No wonder I was having such a hard time communicating with him…

It turns out, there is a lot of work God wants to do in my heart. There is a lot of healing, a lot of scar tissue to be removed, and a lot of walls to be torn down. The problem is I’ve worked hard for a lot of years to keep my heart hidden behind all this mess and closed off. It’s like this really intense bunker I’ve locked down complete with barbed wire and nobody has been able to get inside in quite a long time, and, I’m ashamed to say, that includes the Lord.

So, I repented of the whole rebellious spirit issue and God has been drawing me closer, but as he’s drawing me closer, he is doing some of the work he has presented to me…and to be honest, it hurts. It hurts a lot, and it’s raw, and unpredictable…but all the while as he draws me…I find myself in the middle of a beautiful mess.

I don’t like to admit it, but my heart is lonely, and it is rather fragile at the moment, but the more God scrapes away at scars, and the more he demolishes walls around it, I feel engulfed in this soft and warm love of security. The more it hurts, the more he reassures me that it’s going to be fine…and I believe him.

I’m not sure what he’s up to, or what the end result is meant to be, but watching as he gently corrects me, and gently puts broken pieces back together, or resets bones that have healed badly, the more I love him.

So, to sum up, the whole point is simply he wants more of me…and, as he promised me a long time ago, he’s tired of seeing me hurt and he intends to do something about it.

God has me.

Isaiah 41

I’m Peter. **Long Post**

This week has been a pretty heavy load for me. Mentally, spiritually, physically, it’s been pretty big. I’m a thinker. I think a lot. About a lot of things. In a lot of ways. From about any perspective and angle possible. I over think. I’ve done a lot of business with God this week, and even for my over thinking brain, we’ve gone over a lot, and I’ve learned so much.

One of my favorite quotes is by a missionary who said, “Preach the gospel, and if necessary, use words.” I have known to the base of my DNA, that I am called to be a missionary ever since I was a little girl. When I was a little kid, not even old enough to walk in a store without holding my mother’s hand, I would break away to tell strangers about the latest story I learned about Jesus and give them a hug.

Following, loving, and teaching about Jesus is who I am. There is no Megan without Jesus, trust me, I’ve tried it. I disappear and crumble in on myself. But, just because I know this, just because I say this, and just because people who are basically strangers can tell you that I am a follower of God, that does not mean that I have it together.

I mess up. All. The. Time.

My tendency to over think, and over analyze cripples me and drives me away from Jesus for days, months, and once or twice even years. I lose time, I backslide, I make mistakes and fall on my face…

But no matter how I mess up, no matter how much I hurt someone, myself, or even sin against God directly (and sadly enough, sometimes deliberately), Jesus has always been faithful to pursue me through my mess.  Jesus has always been there to pick me back up again.

And THAT is who He is.

It is so easy to fall into a trap and believe that God the Father, and Jesus are standing above us in some cloudy country club, watching us with their arms crossed over their chests, shaking their heads in disappointment. It’s so easy to believe that the Holy Spirit is just standing with a stick, waiting to slap your hand when you reach for the cookie before dinner…

But over, and over, and over, every time I mess up, every time I run away, God proves to me that he is a loving Father, holding my hands as I learn to walk, ready to help me up if I lose my balance and fall. He is good, he is wise, he is abounding in love, he is slow to anger, he is just and he is righteous, and he is not going to leave me the same way I came to him. He loves me too much.

Jesus is a loving, passionate Savior, ready and willing to protect, save, and redeem me as I live every day, loving me relentlessly. He is patient. He is steady. He is constant. He is unchanging. He is strong and he is  protective. He is not going to let anyone, anything, not even myself, get between me and his love for me, and he is not going to leave me behind. When I mess up, he goes before the Father and he intercedes for me, because he loves me, and he wants me to know that I will always have a place with him.

And the Holy Spirit is in me, and he is wise. He is a teacher, and a counselor. The days I have no words, the days I have no idea how to even breathe, but all I want to do is cry out to God, he has words for me. He goes before my Father and he pleads on my behalf. He comforts me when my heart aches, he calms me and gives me peace when I am afraid or anxious.

And when I’m wandering off, or trying to take control and do things my own way, when I am doing wrong, he is faithful to come along side me to teach me how to be more like Jesus, the one I love and serve, and less like me because I, by myself, can’t be good. I can’t do good things, or help people, or do right.

I. Need. Jesus.

I. Love. Jesus.

So, what am I doing with my life? Not much, not lately. I’m feeling the pressure on my heart, seeing the need of people and places around me and feeling a burden rising up in me more and more to do something. I am called to be the love of Christ that Jesus has fought so hard to help me understand and realize, but I have been keeping it to myself.

I am too busy thinking and keeping to myself to even know what it is I am meant to do. What I am meant to be.

Am I meant to be a worship leader?

A missionary?

Am I meant to get a 9-5 and just tell people day to day? Or all of the above?

What? What is it?

Thoughts and plans and ideas constantly swirl in my head and mind. They overwhelm me. They get used against me. So, this week, I decided that enough was enough and I grabbed my Bible, I grabbed my journal, and I did business with God.

I repented of my selfishness, I repented of my pride and thinking I knew better than God, that I knew the time and seasons of my life better than God…that I knew better what I needed than God did. God who made me. God who loves me…

All week long I’ve been studying, I’ve been seeking him and asking him just to share his will with me. All the while I’m thinking and wondering, “Who am I? What am I? What am I called to?”

And as I watched a sermon tonight, about the calling of Peter, James and John, the Pastor said something so simple that it almost broke my brain.

“Just get in the Word. Grab your Bible, read it, and do stuff. Tell people about Jesus.”  He went on to say, “Think about your gifts, and plug into things like that. As you read your Bible, look at the characters you relate to most there and study how they did ministry, it could help you.”

It was such a simple, practical, common-sense idea that I felt a lightbulb switch on above my head. I used to be like that, to do that, but somewhere I over complicated things.

He went on to talk about Peter, and how he messed up all the time. Peter has always been a person in the Bible that, to be honest, kind of annoyed me. He seemed fickle, wishy washy, and lacked self control over his emotions and thoughts. He seemed all over the place and I quite honestly always imagined Jesus to be annoyed or exasperated with him.

“Lord, I messed up, I’m sorry.”
“I know, I love ya,”

“Agh…Jesus, I messed up again, I’m sorry.”
“I know, Peter, it’s okay, I still love ya.”

“Lord, I-” You get the idea. He was always messing up…and then he goes on to actually deny Jesus. Totally ditches him. Now, here’s something you’ve got to understand. I’m an extremely loyal and protective person. I don’t even have to know you, and if I see somebody picking on you, being unfair, my first instinct is to come to the rescue, so the idea of Peter just disowning Jesus like that has always given me a bad taste in my mouth.

“That jerk.” “Chicken.” “…” Thoughts such as these often flitted through my mind if I happened to read or hear about Peter, but normally I’d just skim around him in the Bible to avoid my bad attitude.

But tonight as I listened to this sermon, the Holy Spirit kind of nudged me. “You know, how’s he all that different from you?”

“Excuse me?” The very thought that I was like Peter horrified me. I wasn’t like Peter, I’m just a pitiful little almost missionary, I’d never- Oh wait. I’d just done business with God about some pretty ugly sin-bondage I had struggled with off and on for the last five years of my life.

But I’d never fall asleep when Jesus needed me to pray! I’d never be that self-Oh wait…I’ve avoided ministry for over a year now and deliberately not reached out to people because I just ‘didn’t have it in me’…

But! But, I’d never deny Jesus! …But…I would…tell him I hated him…and…later…sin…with the deliberate intent to hurt him.

…Right. So, maybe the things Peter did, said and failed to do were not the things that caused me such aversion, but fact that I saw so much of myself in him?

So, I thought about it. My passions were, first, be invisible, but be friends with people. I didn’t want to be up in the front because I didn’t think I should be, but I would if I needed to be. Mostly, I’d rather just not be noticed. But as I grew closer to God, and he continued to create me and who I am, I developed a passion for his word and his character. Now I have a passion for discipling people and teaching scripture and the Gospel.

I want people to know the Jesus who I know. The same Jesus I go to every day and night, hanging my head, “Jesus, I messed up again…”

The same Jesus who comes to me even before I mess up, the same Jesus who gives complete strangers messages to tell me, “Meg, I see you, and I love you.”

The same Jesus who takes this rebellious, insecure, unconfident, mess of a girl and whispers, “You’re new. Today is new.  Be free.”

So, understanding that this post is really long, I’ll conclude.

I have spent my entire life wishy-washy, all over the place, and emotional. I’ve spent it in a mess I’ve made for myself rushing ahead of the will of God, of bossing God around, telling him I know better than he does while declaring he is God of all Creation…and I’ve spent it judging and condemning a man that I am almost identical to. A man Jesus set up as the head of the early church, the spiritual leader and authority for the new, vulnerable, raw children that he had come to save.

Peter was a teacher, he was a confident, bold, discipler, but most of all, he was an imperfect, regular man who started as a nobody that heard the words, “I love you, you’re new, be free.” And trusted the Man who said them enough to keep trying, keep messing up, but most importantly of all, Peter was a man who always went back to Jesus.

I am many things, but I have not quite made it to that level of faithfulness. In that regard, I could never judge Peter. In my circumstance, Jesus has always had to come for me. He has always had to save me from the mess I’ve made and I know he always will, but I have yet to come back to him for the love of him, before he has to come to me and remind me,

“I love you.”

So, the conclusion I came to from all this?

I’m Peter.

The one I’ve judged the most is who I am. I’ve got a lot to learn from Peter, and I will one day ask him to forgive me for my attitude.

Lord willing, if I ever have a son, I fully intend to name him Peter, after a great man, with a big heart, a big head, and a desire to be with Jesus.

They fight with their love…

Lately I have been thinking about love. Yeah, it is kind of a common theme in this blog,  I know. But you know the best thing about love I’ve ever learned? It’s big, and you can never truly understand it; there is always something new to learn. The fact that God calls himself ‘love’ throughout Scripture, the fact that his very identity is love, I think gives a glimpse into why love is so hard to describe, why it is so hard to understand.

When I was younger, I was an idealist. I believed, unwavering, in Jesus Christ being the only way to Heaven, period. I believed in love, and how it was all a person needed. I believed that no matter what a person had been through, their past, who they were, how they acted, if they only had someone to love and believe in them unconditionally, anything would be possible and anybody could change. I was, but not so much anymore.

I’m sad to say I have become cynical, and for a long time, I stopped believing in the power of love, and I stopped speaking about Jesus and how He saves. I let life beat me, I let situations define me and change me, rewriting the identity and truth that God had given me himself. The hours, and days, and years I spent studying the Word of God and time spent seeking to learn just what it meant to love as He loves all vanished in the shortest amount of time…and it left my head spinning.

The truth is, love is hard. I learned the heavy lesson that no matter how much you love a person, how much you fight for them (other people and even yourself) they can still choose to believe their lives can’t change, and they won’t change. After I learned this, I sort of gave up for a while. I wasn’t sure if the effort was worth it, I let a few lost battles make me give up the war.

But, recently, a question struck me like lightning: When did it become about me?

When did life change from seeing that people need to be loved, to this laziness of just giving up? When did it become okay to neglect others? Jesus never said love comes without risks, or a price. It is given freely, but the giver doesn’t always come away unscathed. What he did  say, is we are meant to love as he loves. He loved, he even forgave everyone, no matter what. He loved and forgave the people who beat him, who nailed him to wooden beams and mocked him as they were doing it. He never gave up on them, he never demanded his rights, or decided that people are too much trouble.

So, what makes me think I should?

The greatest gift God has given us is our ability to love, and mirror the grace and forgiveness that he has given us. We are able to love and forgive because he first loves and forgives us, otherwise it just wouldn’t be possible.

We are different from the rest of the world because we have the ability to choose life, choose love, and in humility, put others before ourselves.

God says he has put two choices before us, “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before youlife and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19

He also says that forgiveness, even of our enemies, essentially treating them in love, is the greatest weapon and way of doing battle against the bad things of this world.

“On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Romans 12:20

Love is the only thing that can change a person. Love is the only thing that can break the monotony of every day life and habits, and shake it up enough to get people to think and see change is possible.

Love should be constant. It should be unconditional. It should never fail.

Most importantly, love is not about me. It is not about what I can gain, how I feel, or what I’ve been through. If I am going to love, it has to be about YOU. It has to be about me becoming a tangible, close, example of the love of God, and to be whatever you need in order to help you, to be there for you, and so that YOU know that you are cherished.

I’m sorry for putting myself above the will of God, and I’m sorry for leaving you forgotten, and looking through you, rather than in your eyes.

This is my promise to do better. This is my promise to try again; to fight again. This is my promise to love again.

Louie Giglio: How Great Is Our God

So, I’m trying to add this video into the post, but in case it doesn’t work, you can find it at http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/1849169 

This message is amazing, and blows me away every time I hear it. It pretty much saved me all over again back in January. I hope it blesses you as much as it has blessed me.

 

 

 

Into the arms of complacency.

Faith is active. We experience it, feel it, read about it, and even though it begins in Who we trust, it always ends with a question. “Now, what are you going to do about it?” I can’t remember my life without God, without speaking with him and being in his presence. There have been times I have felt distance between us, or heard nothing but silence, but the fact that he was with me through it all never changed.

I’m not sure if I’m the only one to ever feel like this, but I seriously doubt it. I have always wanted to serve God, always imagined these epic adventures where I followed him to distant lands, and unloved people to share with them the love he had so graciously shared with me. But, even so, with all this passion, and all this desire, I have been chained up in fear for a lot of my life. Somewhere, I drew a line in the sand and told God,

“Okay, I’ll go this far, I’ll push these limits to this point…but no further.”

I get to the brink of taking that leap of faith and letting go of the railing to do all these things he would have me do, fulfill this amazing call he has for me, but I’m too afraid to let go. I’m too afraid to just fall and let him catch me. I’m not sure why I’m so afraid, or what exactly I’m afraid of or when I even developed all of this.

God and I, we’ve been through a lot together. I trust him, or at least I like to think I do. I’ve seen him do amazing things, I’ve seen him provide in unbelievable ways and heal impossible things with incredible miracles…We’ve flown over oceans and walked on new dirt, spoke with new people in new languages…so, what’s so hard and scary about walking a little further or a little faster?

What could be so special about this piece of me (whatever it may be) that I seem to be protecting that I can’t give it to the love of my life? The biggest fear I’ve ever had in my life has been to become luke warm, to become neutral or indifferent.

I have run from complacency to the degree that I didn’t even think of where I was running or how far. In avoiding complacency, I’ve become complacent in my passion and business. I know that’s confusing, but I almost feel like all these things I’ve done, and all these places I’ve been have only been my way of placating God.

“Look! Wait! Don’t say anything yet! Look what I did! I went over the ocean! I worked here and there! I sang at this church or spoke for this youth group! I taught this Bible study! I discipled that person!” And God just sits back and listens, watching me and guiding me faithfully while waiting patiently until I get all of this agitation and anxiousness out of my system.

He has been on the brink of sharing his heart with me for years, but I’m afraid of what he’ll say or what that means, and so I never actually let myself be still long enough to hear him.

I think forgiving ourselves is the biggest thing that stands between our heart and God’s, and I’ve got a lot to forgive myself for, even knowing he has already forgiven me. I have a lot to heal from, most of it self inflicted, and I have a lot of ground to make up in knowing Jesus. I have forgotten so much, I’ve spent so much time apart from him that I don’t know him as well as I used to, and it breaks my heart.

I need to learn to surrender, not just the things I know, but the things I don’t know or see. The future, the past, the present, they all belong to him already…I just need to let my mind and heart catch up, and remind myself that I trust him.